Country Girl Out of the city.

my tumblr

2010-09-03T01:27:00.000-07:00

http://rayraeart.tumblr.com/

I think....

2010-09-03T01:25:00.001-07:00

I wan to try jewelry making.
I think im going to take a black smith course.

Im intrigued by the art of making wonderful metal pieces. I think the process can be a beautiful thing.

I think it would be fun to apprentice or intern for a jewelery maker.

rayraeart.com

2010-08-04T18:18:00.000-07:00

Im still in the process of editing my site but check it out!

2010-08-04T15:28:00.000-07:00

Some of the people I use to think i've changed so much but in reality i've barely changed.
Im still the same girl. I love Jesus , Im caring , passionate , kind , loving , independent , on a break from school but pretty much the same. The truth is they changed. They proved to be not at all who I thought they were.

When I met J they all were so quick to judge they looked at his cover and never gave him a chance. For so long people kept telling J that he was no good and he believed it when I saw him though I saw a good man who loved the lord and was a little lost. I knew that he was the one that the lord placed in my life. Our paths were intersected by his divine power.

At the beginning of our relationship there were a bunch of bumps on the path but now they are all smoothed out. I am so proud of him. He went from being so angry with everyone and believed that he was not good to knowing his full potential. I am so proud of him. He doesn't drink or party. He isn't angry with anyone he is who he was meant to be. He just needed hope , he had lost hope but now he is not that man anymore. Before he didn't have a relationship with his folks and he does now. Its really great to see him become this wonderful man.

I wish that those I was close to would have seen him how I saw him. They saw him as the world saw him , I saw him the way God saw him.
I hope that one day they do see what I see.

and today is another day.

2010-07-26T14:21:00.000-07:00

Here are JUST A FEW photos from the past few days. Were up at my Moms place near Bellingham. They have Cows in the backyard and we went to the Rock Garden ( Which is really just a sculpture garden) and it was very beautiful.

where have I been?

2010-06-22T06:29:00.001-07:00

sitting in my bed
staring out the window
I see a world.
A world created for me.
How could I have gone.

I feel lost
I feel lonely
im not sure who I am.
you were always there for me
and I broke your heart
lord I still love you.
lord i haven't forgotten you.

I know I havent gone to far
but i know its far enough.
you brought me the love of my life
and here ive been ignoring you

the people of this world
I let them in and they brought me closer to you
but than they broke my heart
and tore it into pieces.

I know it wasn't you
but I dont know what to do
who do I trust.
I know I only need you
but is that enough?

I know your standing next to me
waiting for me to move.
I know you love me through all of time
and accept me for who I am.
but im afraid.

what if im not good enough?
what about my mistakes?

I know I need to love myself like he loves me , like YOU love me.
but I need guidance , I need help.
I feel like im broken never to be fully fixed.
Should I just open up?

and Will he come back to you.
will he love you with me
will we worship you
will we stand together
I know he loves you but hes been hurt
hurt like me.
we both love you.
i want to love fully
I want to be.

Part of me is lost
part of me is lonely
I know who I am
I know you ARE there for me.
im not going to ignore you anymore.
Ill be here trying my best.
I still love you lord.

Heart of Worship

2010-06-22T06:29:00.000-07:00

Yes Jesus.

Its been a while.... Here I am!

2010-05-28T18:45:00.001-07:00

Well.. Its been a few months since I last wrote do not fear for I am here.
I moved to Washington for a year , yes I will be moving back to CALIFORNIA next spring. YAY.

I needed a break a time to explore , find myself again , do something new.

So far im still jobless. yikes. luckily my savings are keeping me afloat.

Also , ive started really finding my creative self.

please visit my website rayraeart.com

I hope you enjoy , i am really starting to find something i love more than i knew.

XO
peace and love.

Miso Soup

2010-03-03T21:03:00.000-08:00

Miso Soup , veggies and rice.
That was my dinner for the last two nights.
All I have to say is my boyfriend is good to me.
He is wonderful. Not many people know him and in fact a lot of people in my life have pre-judged him.
What can tell you is:
he knows god and loves him
hes messed up big time in the past but isn't that guy anymore
he accepts me for who I am
tries to give me his best
makes me laugh
is a shoulder to cry on
brings me flowers
listens to me
is a music man
acceppts my faults
the list goes on
bottom line. he loves me.
I love him even though sometimes he annoys me.

Moving.

2010-02-21T00:52:00.000-08:00

I'm moving back to Washington.

Its a SECRET though.

Don't tell anyone.

..... other than that......

The boyfriend & I are great! HE is the most caring , sweetest , protective , musical guy ever. He means so much to me. We get in little arguments but hey thats normal. Nearly 3 months are were going STRONGER than anyone knows.

and....
work sucks. haha.

The Daily Scene.

2010-01-27T21:49:00.000-08:00

The following are things I see daily and think are cool/stunning.

CONVICT

2010-01-25T22:19:00.000-08:00

My good buddy Jared. Sadly I turned him into a convict.

FIRE

2010-01-25T22:18:00.001-08:00

Handprints

2010-01-25T22:18:00.000-08:00

Some handprints at work.

J got me flowers!

2010-01-25T22:17:00.000-08:00

Recent Photog

2010-01-25T22:16:00.001-08:00

Gods Work

2010-01-25T22:16:00.000-08:00

I LOVE where I live.

Here I am.

2009-12-28T05:02:00.001-08:00

So its been a bit since I have actually writen something from the heart.
today is not the day. Well maybe later but its 5am. I couldn't sleep.
Anway...
Im in WA with me momma and brother.
It was really great.
THe lord has really been opening my eyes.

He is so good to be. He loves me no matter what.
Sometimes it baffles me how much he loves me.
GOD IS SO GOOD.

Things I have yet to tell my mother.

2009-11-25T00:24:00.001-08:00

Its number three.
For DADDY , Fredella , Grandma R , and Grandpa O.

Love and miss you all.

Sneak Peak!

2009-11-24T21:54:00.000-08:00

Okay. It has been quite sometime since my last “B.L.O.G” A bit has happened since than.
1. I fell ( real hard.)
2. The lord guided to me wonderful people who showed me what I was becoming.
3. My brother disowned me.
4. I think I fell in love.
5. Im happy.
6. Im going to Oregon/WA for chiristmas.
7. Im pretty sure I am going to Europe this summer.
8. I saw New Moon and Pirate radio in the same day. Pirate radio was so good! I havent laughted so hard in ages.
9. I totally love the lord. How he forgives me and holds me and guides me and looks at me as his beautiful daughter is crazy and I am so thankful!
I have a lot to say but ill get back to it all one of these days.
Consider this like a movie trailor. A clip of the whole thing to draw you in.

Hero: Superchick

2009-10-22T15:39:00.000-07:00

HERO By: Superchick
No one sits with him, he doesn’t fit in,
But we feel like we do when we make fun of him,
'Cause you want to belong, do you go along?
'Cause his pain is the price paid for you to belong
It’s not like you hate him or want him to die,
But maybe he goes home and thinks suicide,
Or he comes back to school with a gun at his side,
Any kindness from you might have saved his life...

TAG: Heroes are made when you make a choice...
CHORUS:
You could be a hero,
Heroes do what’s right,
You could be a hero,
You might save a life,
You could be a hero, you could join the fight,
For what’s right, for what’s right, for what’s right...

No one talks to her, she feels so alone,
She’s in too much pain to survive on her own,
The hurt she can’t handle overflows to a knife,
She writes on her arm, wants to give up her life,
Each day she goes on is a day that she is brave,
Fighting the lie that giving up is the way,
Each moment of courage her own life she saves,
When she throws the pills out, a hero is made...

So I first heard this song when I was in ninth grade it really helped me get through a lot and these first few verses of the song match completely with where I was at life and partially where I am.

Just a little bit.

2009-10-12T19:38:00.000-07:00

Here I am. Sitting once again at my computer. Could I be spending my time more wisely , sure. Will I? Not right now.

Have you ever felt that your not truly apart of your family? I do and I know that I am not the only one out there. Here I am ninteen and the glue that holds people together. I comfort , I love , I take care of. I am the parent. I am fully functioning on my own. Live on my own , everything. Yes, sometimes life gets hard but its okay. Sometimes we make mistakes , its okay. I just dont feel like im the daughter or the sister in my family. In fact in saddens me to say that I have created my own family.

So , this may be random but today it became very clear.

Anywho. Not much going on.

OH! So I must say that no matter who we are, we need to accept others for who they are. We need to love one another not bring eachother down!

Hope you have a GREAT DAY or NIGHT.

OH so I created a website.

Mostly cause im bored.
its random art-ish stuff of mine.

yep. check er out.

rayraeart.com

XoXo

WHIP it.

2009-10-09T09:40:00.000-07:00

It has been a little while since I last wrote. Not much has happened. Well I am a part of my colleges' Student Senate. Im now Senator Rohrbach. Cool , Eh?
haha.
I saw whip it last night. I really enjoyed it. It just made me feel so happy. It just confirmed that I need to do what I love and what I want to do. I WILL.

something on my mind lately has been the college age group or as I like to call us "The forgotten ones" Why would I call us this? I just feel that there are not that many christian groups or services for us college age. There are plenty of God loving college kids out there. Where do we go? Where should I go? Should I start my own program? I dont know. I do know is that I refuse to be forgotten. I will continue to love the lord and share hsi name and push to not be forgotten.

Blessed!

2009-09-16T10:31:00.001-07:00

Today I have been working in the church office.
Labels.
Phones.
Anything and Everything.
I was sitting here waiting for more work when Pastor Frank comes in.
We chit chat a bit and he grabs what he needs. As he leaves he turns to me and says

"I see the beauty of Jesus in you. You allowed him into your heart quickly. Trusted. I just wanted you to know how wonderful you are."

That was the lord.
I have been feeling down. Not sure what the feelings are about but the lord totally put those words in Pastor Frank because I needed to hear them!
GOD IS SO GOOD!!!
Sometimes I question my future and everything but I dont need to because I trust in him and he is so good!! He amazes me. HE protects me. I turst in him. And who cares if the people in my life dont want me to do one thing if its gods will. Than I dive into the River. THANK YOU JESUS!!!!!

Is it right and wow kanye.

2009-09-13T21:43:00.000-07:00

I have been wanting to cry a lot lately.
Do not know why.
I feel so off.
Like my life is off.
Im trusting and leaning on the lord.
not as much as I should.
Im just not feeling right.

I dont understand certain things.
I do Not understand these feelings.

Lord I dont want to lose someone else.
I dont want it to change if it will go down hill.

Lord I ask that you give me a sign. Is it right. Is it true?
ARe these from you? I want to know if this is from you? I want to know if i should keep going.

Lord. Trust in you!!

by the way Kanye.
RUde.
Tay deserved her moment.
BEE wins it ALL!! Your ruined her time.
We all know beyonce is the best.
You shocked her.
so sad.
Jesus loves you.
Okay well thats all fur my ramblings!
xoxo

On my mind: Marriage

2009-09-08T18:40:00.000-07:00

Marriage is not something to take light.
Its is FOREVER.
I believe that God has created a special person for each and everyone of us.
We must wait.
Do not get impatient and marry because your desperate.
Marry because you are in Love and you know that he/she is who God intends you to be with. You don't want to spend the rest of your life with someone you barely know and married because you were in a rush or because you "settled".

Marry because of LOVE.
Because of GOD.

Let the Lord guide you in all areas of your life. Let him take the pen and write your love story.

He will bless you beyond belief.
He is the ALL MIGHTY GOD. He can do things beyond our imaginations.
Including writing a spectacular love story.
Yes, he is that good.
WAIT , PRAY , PRAISE , READ LOVE GOD!!

Looking around

2009-09-05T00:35:00.000-07:00

Take A look around you. What do you see? I see my room. Disorganized and a little crazy and yet somehow completely put together.
NOW
Take another look around. I don't mean just looking at whats around you now but outside the walls. What do you see? Do you see the old woman lugging around a cart full of recyclables. She will cash those bottles that others threw on the street in for money to help her family. Look into a strangers eyes , what do you see?
I see someone begging for something more. They are lost wondering why no body cares. I see pain , loneliness , suffering all around me.
In fact I have been a part of it. I have been in that world. Sometimes I catch myself falling back into that world of desperation. I have been there recently. I hate it. But I have the LORD my savior my everything. He wipes away my tears.
I love him.

I want to change the world I want to see hope and love in strangers eyes. Kindness. I want to change this world by sharing a my own life. My life thats imperfect. My life that sometimes rollorcoasters downwards but always heads back up. MY life filled with a love like no other. My life thats unbelievable. My life , my love , My god.

Short and Simple

2009-08-29T23:35:00.001-07:00

Its hard to start new when your past keeps coming back. Its hard to let go of something you always had. Its hard to do but I trust in you!!!

Music - Inspired by Elizabeths Summer Playlist

2009-08-28T23:25:00.000-07:00

Recent songs I have had on constant repeat.

Skillet- Angels Fall Down
Forever The Sickest Kids- Coffee Break
Taylor Swift- Best Day
Aaron Shust- Come to Me
Snow Patrol- It's Beginning to Get to Me
Amos Lee - Arms of a Woman
Muse- Super Massive Black Hole
FlyLeaf-All Around Me
Taylor Swift- You Belong with Me
Dixie Chicks- Lullaby
Hillsong - Age to Age
Jeremy Riddle- Sweetly Broken
Kim Walker- How He Loves
Credence Clearwater Revival- Heard it Through The Grapevine
All In Favor- The Otherside
Rocky Votoloto - White Daisy Passing
Chace Morrison- 726

I have a lot of stuff that I have listend to that was REALLY good this summer but it was all on other peoples computers or cars and such.

Reasons Why....

2009-06-30T22:15:00.000-07:00

1. Your smile.
2. The way you look at me.
3. That you love kids.
4. That you don't care about money.
5. That your silly.
6. That you love what you do.
7. That we both work at similar places.
8. That You love the water.
9. That your a musician.
10.You LOVE GOD!!!!!!!
11. You notice when somethings wrong.
12. You like the way I smell.
13. You share your food.
14. Your open.
15.That your like a teddy bear.
16. That your caring.
17. You like to listen to me.
18. That you are patient with me.
19. That you don't go crazy when im silent.
20. Your responsible.
21. That you think of others views.
22. Your you.
I could go on but ill stop at my lucky number.

I know GOD placed you in my life for a reason. I must be patient. I know its true and not fake. It is from the all mighty Lord. I have prayed and conitue to. I understand your point of age , understand my love.

Do Not Give Up.

2009-06-27T11:31:00.000-07:00

Give up? Doubt it. God doesn't give up. He never gives up on us. When we say we give up on him he always stays with waiting for us to run back into his arms. So why than would I Give up on something placed in my heart by God? I wouldn't. Sometimes being a Christian means you go through tough times , times when you may be made fun of , times when people of this world will taunt you. NEVER give up. Because you will preserver. You will do great things. Why? Because you have got the LORD GOD ALL MIGHTY!! and he is stronger , wiser , and all powerful. With him all is possible , with him you will make it though Because if you give it all to him he will carry you. I give it all to him!

TRUE.

2009-06-01T21:07:00.000-07:00

I am so glad that I have been saved. That my life , I live give to my savior king. I am where I am because of him. So much of my life is changed , for the better , because of him. So What is new in life?
I feel like so much really.
My dad has passed away but im doing so much. At first I was thinking "what" but like everything in life , I have faith. I know that EVERYTHING happens for a reason. I am who I am because of him and yes life seems hard sometimes but I know that even when it all seems like its crashing down , It will be okay. All because of him.
Even when I say things and feel idiotic. all though they need to be said and are complete true and mean so much. But thats another story. People are in my life because of him and i am not afraid. No longer will I fear , or waste time afraid for the future. It will be okay , no more than okay , great and good. I suppose that is my ramble for the day.
But I must say if you care about someone and you feel the lord placed them in your life for a reason , tell them. If they were placed on your heart let them know when you feel the time is right. God knows. He loves you. He is the best daddy ever so don't be afraid for what people of this world will think. If you know its true and of the lord than its right and when god tells you something , dont ignore it. He does not lie. He tells the truth. Forget your flesh. Know the right. Okay well I love you all. oh and I know my purpose in this world. Its to serve others , to be a leader. God is good!! LOVE.

Jesusita Fire

2009-05-07T22:48:00.000-07:00

Please pray for my town of Santa Barbara , CA. The Jesusita fire is getting out of control.

2000 plus acres burned
10% containment.

Almost 300 fire engines and 3 helicopters fighting the fire.

Thousands under Evacuation and thousands more under warning.

The wind has picked it up and its is burning quickly and is hard to handle.

All I can do is support and prayer for those. Trust in the Lord through tough times. That is all we can do!

God Bless.

Lord please protect the fire fighters , the evacuees and bring in a miracle to help stop this fire from destroying more homes.

Lord God you are all mighty! Trust in you though all times good and bad :)

Oh! and for those with health problems I pray they are okay. I have ashtma and it is getting hard for me I pray everyone is okay!

& I write again. ... ..

2009-05-01T13:57:00.000-07:00

It has been quite sometime since my last "rambling" so here I am at it again! Much has happend since my last blog. Many heartaches , but blessed I am by the LORD GOD ALLMIGHTY! He is so good. He has given me a family when I had none and provided a father to the fatherless. As is said in Psalm 68 , 5-6. I am so glad that the Lord has given me so much and many to be loved by. Many that I love. It is amazing.
God is GOOD
God is GREAT
God is AMAZING
God is ALL MIGHTY
God is My SAVIOR
God is LOVING
God is my FATHER!

Amen :)

And the enemy attacks .

2009-03-23T14:38:00.000-07:00

When everything starts to go well my life seems to be attacked and it all starts going downhill again. I ca't stand this. I hate feeling so sad so angry. Im critical of everyone and everything lately. The only time i have been happy in a while was this weekend when I was out doing MYE stuff.
I am trying so hard to rely on god. I want to but the enemy he is always attacking me.

I feel like everytime i climb another step on the latter I am pushed down again.

Nobody said this was easy. but im just so hurt. I hurt all the time.

I know that it will all be okay. I have the lord on my side. He is not walking beside me right now but carrying me through this time.

He loves me no matter what.

I live my life for him!

No matter how tough life gets , I know that there is more to it and it is just a mild slip or fall and t hat the lord has greater plans.

I have to keep strong with my faith.

His Word

2009-03-11T21:55:00.000-07:00

God Speaks.
Yes its true.
And boy o boy has he been speaking to me.
More than ever through his word.

He has some clear messages for me.
Gal 1:10. Something I have not spoken. But god saw. He saw that i am trying to please others when all i need to please is him!

another was gal 1 :15 that god had a plan for me before i was born this also goes iwht jerimiah 1:4-10.

I shall not fear cause god has a plan.

Last of these years.

2009-02-20T18:44:00.000-08:00

I am 19.
Enterted into the last year of my teenage life. It feels so good and yet slightly sad.

It feels good, I'm growing up. I am indpendent , living my own life.

But im sad. Im sad that a part of my childhood is gone without me even have had it.

Its the past. I let it go. Im happier now. I want so badly to just go off and say whats in my mind. I cant though. I just cant.

I know a part of me is breaking inside. I feel aloe ( I know im not) but thats how i feel. My body aches everyday, i cant sleep , i cry .

i've been praying a lot more but im sad.

Im sad for my family more than anything. I hate seeing people destroy themselves. it eats me alive. I just want to BREAK. Crack up like an egg. Sometimes Im like a time bomb. TICK TICK TICK..... just waiting to go BOOM!

Just One of those Moments

2009-02-12T22:46:00.000-08:00

So I totally am having one of those " Cry for no apparent reason" moments. I feel really sad and selfish. I am almost one hundread percent I should not feel this way. i got the lords love and a good group of friends. Eye ye ye. This is insane! dont do it is all im going to say. REad your bible. thats my advice to myself. and dont be sad gods got a great plan. He has an amazing plan for us all! hallealugh

The more I find you ..... The more I love you.

2009-01-23T22:04:00.000-08:00

I realized Montana is no longer my "home." If will always be my HOME but not the place my heart lies. In fact I don't know where my heart lies. I don't know if its here in California. I don't know what gods plan for me is. I do know that i will no longer question gods will for me anymore. I am pretty sure that i know i was brought to SB and NEWLife church for a reason. I am here to make a difference and i will. I don't know how but if i read and know gods word. He will show me. He will guide me. ya.

.. oh and lets see today was AWESOME!
All though i worked a ton..( not as much as i wanted to :( i so wanted to get a ton done. but i guess in reality we did.) It was super good. I really enjoy doing something productive, not the funniest but productive. When i feel like i am making progress in something i feel joyful. When know the work i am doing matters , I do it with a smile:)
And we had a women's dessert. it was good. Meli G and i helped set up the tables. which looked really classy and awesome. ( were for hire lol :P) The whole time i couldn't help but smile. Here was our church sanctuary full of women joining in fellowship. To praise our god Almighty. WHOA AWESOME. I good feel god all around me. in the conversations and in the faces of those around me. It was truly inspiring. During worship we had a really touching moment seeing Kari Jobes song the more i seek you. With every word I was singing to the lord and I could feel and him. he was right beside me saying. I HEAR you. I started to cry. I knew the holy spirit was there. The room was full. It was wonderful. It was a great entrance to our guest speaker Melinda. She was fabulous. yepp yepp it was a good night. .
and i had a good talk with my mom earlier today. . emotional.
She Relapsed ( she just got out of detox).
It was painful to hear but we actually talked. and I got to tell her about gods love and this time she LISTENED! it was like god said

"yeah this hurts you rachel but this is the opening to your mother hearing me and you will be the one who speaks. You will speak of me. Don't be afraid because i will give you the words. Faith."

It was good.
we did talk about her suicide attempts. that was super hard. but it was good to talk.
And i realized i kind of went off my first topic. which was home. I have no heart home yet. and i dont need a physical place. because i have jesus in my heart. and he is HOME

anyways.
tomorrow is anew day. so let the lord be with you.

peace and GODS love!

capital G GOD.

Like Whoa.

2009-01-21T22:18:00.000-08:00

So. Today I thought I had started up an old habit of mine again. Its gross and totally bad. I tend to do it in times of great stress.But something super awesome happend. I said lord I dont want to be this way and my prayer was totally answered. Unexpected way but answered. He truly is great.

annnnnd

I received the most beautiful/kindest/uplifting card/letter ever given to me. As i read it i felt my eyes welting up with tears. I really needed that. Thank you god because i know it is because of you i recived it. The letters is all about you being in my life. It is so wonderful. MY LIFE IS TRULY BLESSED!

May god be with you!

A Prayer

2009-01-21T12:36:00.000-08:00

Lord.
Please guide me in these next few weeks. I have many decisions to make. Lord you are my savior. my god my king my father. Let your love guide me to make the best decisions. may you bring people into my life who should be there. may u be with my daily o lord. Be with me in my daily walk. let my life be filled of you. Let me see that you have a plan for me. like joseph you had a plan. Joseph had to go through a tough time and all the time he stayed true to you. humble and loving. Let me walk even the tinyest like joseph. Lord be with me today and tomorrow and forever. I love you lord your great love. Thank you lord. o thank you. I praise you. in your sons jesus name.
AMEN

God has a Plan

2009-01-18T13:38:00.000-08:00

So a lot has happened in the last two weeks. Almost to much. I really was not intending to have drama in my life , least of all boy drama. Im still really upset over it all but i have realized its gods plan. He put him in my life for a reason. I think it was to strengthen my relationship with the lord. I think that because i have. My realationship with god is better than ever. All though it really hurts to have someone say we cant be friends because of another friend of yours... That has never happened to me. I am the non drama involved person. I walk my path avoiding all of that. And yes i know i made a mistake and said some stupid stuff. But i think its all out of control. I really cant help but feel ackward when i see him.When you see someone frequently because your friends also happen to be his. its HARDDDD. but Im happy with having the lord in my life. He is my Father , brother , husband my everything. He is the greatest blessing in my life. I can live with just him because his love is stronger than everything! OH BELOW IS MY SURF DAY .THE AWESOME PHOTO. LOL

PEACE LOVE AND HARMONY Y'ALL

Words.

2009-01-13T19:08:00.000-08:00

This came to on a walk:
Here I am ... I'm on my knees .. praying lord , god forgive me please. For I have sinned I .. i lost my faith.. but here i am on my knees.

... I know i have been forgiven. I asked the lord when i was younger to save me from my sins and i dovoted my life to living for him. I do because how great is it to be loved so much. What other love do i need? I dont. I want but i dont need. which is what got me in trouble this past week.

I wanted but did not need.
Caused a friendship to fade away.

Misunderstanding The Bible.

2009-01-04T13:14:00.000-08:00

okay so this morning i read GEN 9 and verse 25 brought me great confusion.
It says that Noah curses Canan son of Ham. Something I read to online said it was due to charcter flaws in Ham. but i just dont get it. All he did was go and see his father passed out from to much wine , naked. so he went to his brothers and told them. was it because he himself didnt cover his father. there fore noah thought it was not a very good trait? I dont know. I prayed and ask god to give me insight into this. I dont know why i seem to be having so much trouble with it.
God Bless.

Love , Peace and straight up harmony.

Grace of god and peace. Because you need god to have peace. :)

rounding out 2008

2009-01-02T22:02:00.000-08:00

Hello!
Well it seems as if an awful lot has happend since my last Blog.

first off I had my water baptism on December 21 2008. I feel truly changed. It was really wonderful. Afterwards we went to the NLC office to pray together and the man who was in the tank with me ( i feel awful for forgetting his name) gave me a verse that he said the lord spoke to him. AS he read i felt like crying and smiling. it was ME. It was good moment to round out 2008 . well almost round it out.

A few days later i took a plane and flew back home to Montana. I really felt like i needed to go home and i did. It was a good thing. It made me realize that all though being in california is not my faovirte place its where i should be and i really feel like that is true. i dont miss home as much. just my friends .. a little cause i know ill be getting some visits real soon.

The whole trip was pretty good. Lots of good times with friends and family. My dad and i are still akward and arent over some past issues. i have forgiven , but am still hurt. it takes time to heal a wound. I wont forget what happend ever. :( I still love my dad he's just not my daddy anymore. He wont be the person i can talk to like i use to. and i pray that one of these days we can actually talk about what went down . other than that it was pretty swell. My friends are all good. i did get caught in a lie ( i dont usually lie.) It was over who i voted for in the 08 election. Im sorry but my view on politics is something ill always keep in the down low. I dont understand it enough. I dont feel it defines me. ANYWHO> its all good.

As for the new year. I spent the eve with the p-gales .we were at J and A they are a cute couple and i have nothing the matter with them. OH an edthere kids are just darling. So cute. Buzz and Binky. i just lov ebuzz he is my new favorite baby. haha. and after carmal apples ( like never before ) and homemade pizza( jared style) q and i hit the road to billing. Lots of red bull and caffeine.

Which all that energy booster didnt help me. I kept dowsing off leaving carrie to drive in silence ( well the radio was on.) But we got to billings okay. Slept for three hours than drove to city brew got some coffee and drove to the airport. one last laugh and a happy ( i know ill see her soon) goodbye i was off. And thats how i began the new year. i came home. i came to the place i should be . The place i am begining to love.

So a joyus new year is ahead of me. what it brings i will not know. could brign love friendship and good school time!

Peace love and straight up harmony

Rach! below is me right before a life changing moment!
\

Lost , Lonely , Homesick , and Imperfect.

2008-12-15T18:53:00.000-08:00

Are people with morals and standards considered uncool in todays society? I would love to say yes , but i dont think they are. I have morals and some see me as the "wet blanket" "prude" and "loser." Just because i have something i bealive in does not mean im not fun. In fact my really good friends will prob tell you im the funniest and kindest person they know. I would rather be called that than drunken girl who hooks up with everyone. I try not to judge , but i sometimes do. I try to do my best but sometimes I mess up. Its just the fact of life. You will FAIL. You will mess up. You will fall down. I choose to get back up. Even if it takes sometime I do it. I get up brush myself off. I want to be who I am. No matter how many people point and make fun of me. I dont want to be something im not. Which kind of gets me to what i really wanted to talk about. The fact that i have bene feeling very lost. Im not sure who i am. I did soemthing totally not me. Now i feel broken. I feel so sad./ I really need to go home for a visit. and i am. it will be good. I know it will. I do love being imperfect. But sometimes i wish i wasnt me. I wsh i was the girl that everyone wants to be. you know the type tall skinny pretty. Anything thats not me. I wont ever be that girl but who am i? the dorky chubby girl? Is that all i am. what about what i feel inside? what abotu the girl who loves the outdoors? Who use to lvoe to sing? who actually used to TALK? why am i silent. I also want to know why i let my heart be broken. WHY???So many questions. No answers. not yet. I can live with that. I can live with that because i know tomorrow is a new day. A new begining.
PEACE. LOve . and some straight up HARMONY.

I think It is time I stopped dreaming and opened my Eyes.

2008-12-11T23:29:00.000-08:00

Boys. I tried staying away from them in high school. Didnt want to do that. I didnt want to be "that girl." You know the type . She CLINGS to her guy , with him 24/7 , talks about him and has drama RAMA. Thats not me. Yet, somehow moving away from home and going to COLLEGE Ive gotten into drama rama with the boys. I really want to go on. But im so sore and tired from Kickboxing i cant move my arms anymore. UGHHH.
BAsically though. I have to stay away from these boys. its sad cause the sweetest boy , the one i really would love to have a part of my life is Unattainable. Out of my league . NAda zero all that. I dont need boys. I need to focus school YALLLLL.

ok ill blog tomorrow . SCOUTS HONOR.

loves. peace and some straight up harmony.

stress zone; Hardhats required.

2008-11-26T08:36:00.000-08:00

I have a lot on my Mind lately and expressing these things is getting incresingly harder and harder. Its getting closer and closer to the holidays and I really am begining to feel the effects of being alone. I will survive of course. Its not super disastrous. I just have to persavere. Anyways. So whats been going on in my mind lately? Hey thats a question I would love to answer. Simple terms its this
1. Boys/Love are confusing me and my life
2. I had feeling about something be stirred up inside me. Now i feel a slight anger towards everything. Thats sad.
3. People pushing the boundary line.
4. Holidays
5. Work
6. Friends
7. New place
8. School
9 Money.
Well the list could go on and on. no wonder im extremely stressed!!!
at least i admitted it.

Peace and love.

Violated

2008-11-13T22:25:00.000-08:00

I feel very violated.
A woman who i know well. And is a sweetheart totally pushed through my boundry line. she went to my landlord and went into my room without permission. I would not have minded , had she asked. SHE DID NOT. and i had some things in there that may make her look at me differently without knowing what the reason was. i had a pregancy test, whcih im not even close to beinhn preggo. I just had it in their in case i ever had an emergency I could see whats up. I FEEELLLL so upset. ughhhh.

Yet another.

2008-11-09T21:26:00.000-08:00

Okay So I have decided i am a clutz. I stubbed my toe really bad the other night and it still hurts. And I went to usc the other day it was fun. I like the campus. I may transfer there. But its in LA . to big of a city for me. I mean Santa Barbara is big enough. o so i put some pics in. my toe not good looking and thats me being really bored at home before going to the holocaust remembernce walk . Which was pretty cool. I met an awesome person with a great story. It was nice. lol

senior year and best friends

2008-11-09T20:46:00.000-08:00

Okay okay. So I really miss my best friends. Carrie and Chels are the greatest girls ever.I miss them. chels is so much like me and carrie is like my opposite. goodtimes despite the fact that carrie did get us pulled over one time for driving over the speed limit and our senior road trip we broke down that made it so much fun. Chelsea was there all senior which reminds me senior yeari havent talked about was great. I loved oregon.. tons of good times. It was the best high school year. I actually got out there. I was myself and got along with lots. I really let out. Now its over and college here i am. which i love college. Its great. I just miss some of high school. Not to dwell because now im living and loving life.

This and THAT

2008-11-08T20:47:00.000-08:00

I guess I could begin to ramble on and on about my dull and slightly boring life . going on and on about how i dont do anything . I live practicaly lifeless. Moving motionless through the sea of mean spririted fish. Except im the little fish that has a heart umm hello anybody else out there. I want to know what gave people the right to think that being rude is okay. That being selfish was cool. Its not get a life come on. Kindess may seem overrated but it will never go out.

which reminds me I think i really like this guy. I just wish I wouldnt care abotu making a fool out of myeslf in front of him. He doesnt care and sadly i doo. Soon I will , hopefully , I will break out my yeah yeah singing fun loving self . I need to be more me. Not that im not me around him its just a partial me. the showy me. Now its time for REAL rachel.
The girl who smiles and yeah im quiet . I do keep to myself unless i know u . well thats a more recently aquired thing but hey yeah. I really like just walking along the beach with him looking at the houses secretly dreaming about living in one of these multi million dollar home. Wouldnt it be cool to wake up and sit out on the porch breathing in the sea. listening to the waves crash its beautiful. I think. than having the one you love be able to join you. ugh hello im down. lol. Hes def a potenial more. in fact i think really like this guy. I wish i could just be like " I LIKE YOU , so heres me lets try this out" but yeah.
0__+ wink at you . lol.
Im really trying to find who i am right nøw. I have a fairly strong sense of it but not 100% sure of it. There are some things , like what DO I REALLLLY want to do with the rest of my life????
def some youth educating but maybe some writing and def some outdoors.
o and parents. what is up with that. Why are they so complicated????

o and holidays. what3ever im so no tworried. id lvoe to see those i love btu im not worried. ill see you guys soon.

Well i really want to say that i have and will make mistakes. Its part of being human. I can forgive myself. I am a great person. I know i have a uniqness unlike anyone else. hey we all do. I just have to give myeslf some praise every now an d than. JUST SAY "im imperfect but i love myeself" LOL .

yepppp i could go on. BUT I WONT lol. thanks for the rambling
peace love and all that jazz

raichel renee
rach butt.
sis
Pooh bear
pookalooka
rachie

and all of my man y mes .
btu illl always be rachel.

loves.

Love

2008-11-08T20:30:00.000-08:00

Love is a complicated matter. The heart does and what it wants and when it wants. Weather you like it or not. So i randomly did this survive and my answers made me happy cause im seeing a guy kinda. lol.

Crap on School

2008-10-19T14:42:00.000-07:00

Allright. I have officialy taken a GRR stand to school. I have to write a paper on this question " What are the issues and themes of this play that would be meaningful to readers and audiences wo are not african american?" This i thought would be easy but reading the play JOE TURNERS COME AND GONE i am haing a taough time finding themes . The play is mostly themes related to african americans , mostly about there lives after slavery. The theme i am focusing most on is finding who you are , finding your idenity. I really dont know what to do . This is proving to be TOUGH. ANyways. other than that life is good. I bailed on my writing group and am being way lazy today. I should really get motivated to do something , anything. Well I guess thats it for today . MAy the peace be with you. But hey its just one thing. I have a whole life so this wont let me gew down

Yo ><><><><>

2008-10-18T12:45:00.000-07:00

Allrigt so this is my first blog . So i figure I should start with what this is all about. I suppose its about me and my adventures in CaliFornia. The life of a college student. Im Rachel i hail from the beautiful mountains of montana. I took a chance to move and make something of myself with a scholarship offer. So Im in Cali with barely any friends , slightly afraid , and living everyday with hope for the FUTURE. You know stuff like that. YADAA YADAA .
ok so today im going to work adn I think I need a new job. The one I got is Boring. I feel no satisfaction whatsoever. I feel like im just wasting all of my time Not COOL. anyways I better get ready for that Job yo.

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