The more I find you ..... The more I love you.

I realized Montana is no longer my "home." If will always be my HOME but not the place my heart lies. In fact I don't know where my heart lies. I don't know if its here in California. I don't know what gods plan for me is. I do know that i will no longer question gods will for me anymore. I am pretty sure that i know i was brought to SB and NEWLife church for a reason. I am here to make a difference and i will. I don't know how but if i read and know gods word. He will show me. He will guide me. ya.

.. oh and lets see today was AWESOME!
All though i worked a ton..( not as much as i wanted to :( i so wanted to get a ton done. but i guess in reality we did.) It was super good. I really enjoy doing something productive, not the funniest but productive. When i feel like i am making progress in something i feel joyful. When know the work i am doing matters , I do it with a smile:)
And we had a women's dessert. it was good. Meli G and i helped set up the tables. which looked really classy and awesome. ( were for hire lol :P) The whole time i couldn't help but smile. Here was our church sanctuary full of women joining in fellowship. To praise our god Almighty. WHOA AWESOME. I good feel god all around me. in the conversations and in the faces of those around me. It was truly inspiring. During worship we had a really touching moment seeing Kari Jobes song the more i seek you. With every word I was singing to the lord and I could feel and him. he was right beside me saying. I HEAR you. I started to cry. I knew the holy spirit was there. The room was full. It was wonderful. It was a great entrance to our guest speaker Melinda. She was fabulous. yepp yepp it was a good night. .
and i had a good talk with my mom earlier today. . emotional.
She Relapsed ( she just got out of detox).
It was painful to hear but we actually talked. and I got to tell her about gods love and this time she LISTENED! it was like god said

"yeah this hurts you rachel but this is the opening to your mother hearing me and you will be the one who speaks. You will speak of me. Don't be afraid because i will give you the words. Faith."

It was good.
we did talk about her suicide attempts. that was super hard. but it was good to talk.
And i realized i kind of went off my first topic. which was home. I have no heart home yet. and i dont need a physical place. because i have jesus in my heart. and he is HOME

anyways.
tomorrow is anew day. so let the lord be with you.

peace and GODS love!

capital G GOD.